It sucks when the rest of your life conspires to get in the way of the things you’re passionate about. The things you love to do get put aside for the things you have to do. The relaxing night in you’d love to have gets pulled out from under you, in favor of grueling work tasks and obligations you said Yes to, in a moment of weakness.
You realize that you’re overloaded, but now that you’re in the thick of it, there’s nothing you can do but count the days. And, the counting of those days seems to suck the joy out of everything else in your life. Things you normally look forward to just sound exhausting. Things you’d normally enjoy are just annoying obligations. Even going from Point A to Point B becomes the most frustrating thing you’ve ever had to do in your life.
I’ve had things to say here on the blog, but I haven’t, because that state I just described up there? That’s been the shape of my life for the past week or so. I have not been a happy camper, and these past few days have had me stressing out or practically sleepwalking through things that should be fun, because I just have TOO MUCH to do. It’s one of the dangers of running your own business, keeping your relationships strong, staying involved with your community, and of course, being an active derby player.
I’m killing a few minutes before I have to run off to derby practice. On a regular day, that wouldn’t be a bad thing at all, but after stomping around all week like a cranky, rage-filled hate monster, I really just want to go to bed.
But, I’ll still go to practice, because I know I’ll be sadder later, if I don’t. And I might feel better when practice is over, if I do.
Still, Bonnie D. Stroir said it, not so long ago: in order to keep it together, sometimes you have to let yourself fall apart. You have to keep in touch with yourself, and give yourself what you need in order to keep going.
Sometimes, what you need is to push yourself harder. Other times, what you need is to give yourself a break. The hard part is having the wisdom to know which one is the right one at a given time.
Right now, I could use a day to myself. “A day to die,” as Bonnie calls it. Hopefully, I’ll get one soon, but right now, I’d settle for just one evening.